Love and Authenticity

My apologies for not writing last week. I have a lot on my plate with work and to be honest was feeling a little defeated by The Game. I never want this blog to turn into a bitch fest and like the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say…”. So I decided to plead the Fifth on relationships slash dating last week. However, since life is the ultimate roller coaster I have been having a much better week. I also had a discussion with a family member/reader of mine where he suggested that I hate men, which of course was said in a joking manner, however I want to clear the air. I do not hate men. If I did I would not dedicate so energy into figuring them out and I would date girls, which is also something I don’t do. What I do hate is the feeling left behind on women by a bad date or boyfriend. It seems that my friends have their lives together, but what goes awry and most of my communications focus around are dysfunctional relationships. In fact I received a text message from a friend who has been justifiably venting about a man in her life. After she vents the specifics she usually ends with a blanket ‘I Want’ statement, as I am sure we all do. She wrote, “I’m so over being the one to make a move. If we’re chasing them then guess what? NOBODY is chasing us! I want to be chased! Like rape whistle mace sprayin’ intense chase.” If only more men were as determined as Al Green in his song Can’t Get Next To You. My friend crackes me up because I know exactly how she feels. Obviously she is exaggerating to get her point across, but the sentiment still hits home, which is exactly what I write about. I want women to know they are not alone in their feelings and I want men to gain a better understanding so they don’t assume we have bought a timeshare in Crazyville.

Do you ever listen to your girl friend rant about her most recent looser and the only advice you can muster is, “Well it can only get better”, cliché or not it is usually true. I mean if things for Kristen Wig's character in Bridesmaids works out then real life will too, hopefully! By the way can we talk about how the first ten minuets of that film is such a relatable scenes for single women. I cannot tell you how many of my friends relate to her character and how we all dream of one day finding a man like Officer Rhoades! Also way to go film industry for making a movie that is true to the way women think, feel, and act while still being HILARIOUS and not condescending. Getting back to the point I have always been a huge believer that people are thrown into our lives with a purpose. It does not matter if they’re in our life for an hour or 60 years. If you are in your late twenties to early thirties and are single then it is a fair assumption you have dated a decent number of men. It would be easy to write most of them off as jerks or incompetent in the ways of a woman, but I like to think of it in a more positive light. Every time you put yourself out there by going on one date or even dating for a couple of months you have the opportunity to learn about yourself.

As mentioned earlier I was feeling pretty beat up by the dating scene last week. Nothing major happened there was no special event worth mentioning. Sometimes it is just a battle between the blasted internal clock and what I actually want for my life. This past week I had a huge light bulb moment. I figured out why the men I date do not have any staying potential. Simply stated they lack the core values I believe in. Now I recently went to a work conference where we were shown a video by a speaker named, Simon Sinek. He talked about community and attracting people with the same beliefs as you. Here is a summary of what he said:

To be authentic you must say and do the things you actually believe. Because the things you say and do are symbols of what you believe, then you’ll attract people who believe what you believe. We surround ourselves with the people and products that symbolize who we are. These symbols say, I’m a little bit like you, so we form bonds quickly. When we find people who believe what we believe we are weirdly drawn to them because our very survival depends on it. Because we are the same we will look out for each other. This is called community, a group of people that has the same sets of beliefs and look out for each other to increase survival.

This is the key that I have been missing. I have been so open to new experiences that I put to much weight into the idea of possibility without actually getting down to the core of the person. I encourage you to look back at the last 3 people you have dated. Did they actually possess the same beliefs as you? I am not saying that you have to be the same person or have the same opinions. The idea is not you are a Republican and I’m Democrat so we cannot date. Instead ask yourself does this person have the same passion for life as I do? Do they have the same family beliefs? What do they want from their life and how does that fit into what I want from mine? If I was being honest with myself and asked those questions about the last 3 men I’ve dated, then I would not have spent so much time trying to figure out what I did wrong. Instead I would have seen that they were not a good fit for my life, so thank you for the experience and good times, but NEXT. I need to make room for someone that will both challenge and value me the way I do them.

This video is Lenka’s The Show. I love her corky style and genuine lyrics. This may sound familiar I feel like it was used on a commercial a couple years ago. Don’t let that distract you from her message.