My Yarns Will Keep Me Warm

Family always has relationship advice. Mostly because their happiness depends on you getting married and having babies for them to spoil. When younger members of your family start to get married the pressure is really on. I recently went to my cousin’s beautiful wedding. I am helping my grandmother out of the car and a handful of suited groomsmen walk out of the church, I don’t even notice their presence until my concerned grandma loudly informs me, “Oh Karen, there you go maybe you can marry one of them.”….wow, really! This is the same grandmother who gave me the following advice, “ I don’t think you have a boyfriend because the first time they mess up you dump them.” What can I say she has me figured out. I tried to explain to her that when the first thing they mess up on is telling me they want to have sex with other women, then yes I get rid of them. This didn’t seem to matter I should still give them another chance. Thank god times have changed because I would rather be single and happy then insecure and coupled up. Even though I know I have been right in all of my choices to rid certain men from my life it got me thinking about expectations.

When going out for the night you never want to build the events up in your head. High expectations usually bring a disappointing evening. When you least expect to have fun it always turns into the best night ever. So it should be the same with relationships. I have heard and been guilty of meeting a guy and thinking, out loud, how amazing he is and how this is going to work out. Three weeks later your downing a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby wondering why you don’t have one.

My other cousin has a cool how I met my husband stories. She was going to a friend’s party where her and this guy were being set up together. Both admit they wanted no part of a blind set up since they had been exhausted by the dating scene. However, they both reluctantly attended the party and spent the entire night hitting it off and now they’re married. People always say it will happen when you least expect it. My question is when does it change from not expecting anything, taking things day by day, to seeing yourself with this person? Because let me tell you I have done that whole low expectations things and right when I decided that I could possibly date this person (three months from meeting them) they pulled the rug out from under me. I’ve also had instant chemistry with a guy. He seemed very interested then when I made myself available he stopped trying to get to know me. It feels like a loosing battle.

My engaged friends ask me how my love life is going. I give them the usual shrug which means I don’t want to talk about it and they respond with, “Don’t worry you’ll find him”, like I’m looking for my lost puppy. Here’s the thing that most coupled people, single guys , and grandmothers don’t understand: there are women like me that are not looking for husbands. Shocking I know! I look at a husband as more of a side effect of a long term relationship than a goal. However, I wouldn’t mind to just stand still with one person for a while. One of my friends told me about an article where 30% of women who ended up divorced or in a miserable relationship say they knew it wasn’t right and walked down the aisle anyway. I love what my friend said in response to the article, “That’s what happens when it’s a race to get a ring not making a lifelong commitment”. So see guys! We’re out there, the ones that aren’t trying to ball and chain you just so we can wear a rock.

So I guess what my question is, how do you turn off your expectations when they’re not that high to being with?

This is Kimya Dawson and the song is called Tire Swing. I love her soft melodic sound and this has one of my favorite song lyrics in it, “If I’m a spinster for the rest of my life my yarns will keep me warm on cold and lonely nights”. Now the dummy who posted this video got the line wrong in his lyric scroll, which is a little annoying because I think it’s hilarious and true.