Friday, June 22, 2012
From Rants To Film
I just wanted to take a moment and thank people for reading my blog. As you may have noticed I've been pretty quit lately. There are two reasons for this. The first is that I have moved to Southern California and as ass backwards as it seems I have slowed down my lifestyle from the kind I had in Northern California. Maybe it's all this sunshine it chills me out. In all honesty have found a bit of peace down here. I see where I want my life to go and I am now ready for the journey. So I am taking things day by day and instead of forcing things I am patiently waiting with an open mind and an open heart. BUT of course I wouldn't be myself without a little dark humor and a lot of honesty, so the other reason I haven't been posting is because I have been turning this blog into a story with characters that my extremely talent friends and I will be filming and posting online in the form of video blogs. So please stay tuned we will be filming 4 episodes of, "He Said What" this summer, shooting for the end of July. We will most likely post a new episode ever 2 weeks. If people like it we will keep filming, so please I'm an artist I welcome feedback to the videos.
Once again thank you to all the women and men (as I found out) that have read this blog. A special thanks to the women in my life that have let me write about their relationships, advise, and thoughts. I hope I continue to show you that you’re not alone in this crazy world.
And in staying with my music theme here is a little Dubstep for ya ears. It’s not for everyone, but I heard this song and fell in love. It’s Flight Facilities- Crave You- Adventure Club Dubstep Remix. Enjoy!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
You Can Grow Flowers From Dirt
It’s pretty clear that when looking at my dating history a prerequisite to getting my attention are flashing red lights that read “Emotional Black Hole: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DATE”. Yep for me and many woman alike that means, Eugh I’m bored why not. So it really shouldn’t be any surprise when I or as I tell myself, we, end up wondering what went wrong. I have noticed the guys that have this emotional unavailability have usually been royally screwed over by, as they say A Bitch. So I often wonder how do these guys get so emotionally attached to a woman that is such a…well you know?
I mean really do these girls start out coy and sexy then turn up the heat on the disaster meter. What makes guys stick around and fight for someone who treats them like crap? In my highly scientist study of the male species I notice they are messed up over the worst sounding women. I mean so messed up I say, “ Wow these seems like fresh raw emotion when did you break up?” He replies, “ 4 years ago” COME ON BUDDY! Really? Get over it. This seems to be something I hear a lot especially since those are the types of guys I welcome into my life. So then I play out the scenario in my head of what it would be like to be one of these girls. And all I can think is when does it go from being coy and sexy to cold and undesirable?
Every woman has there down fall of a type, since becoming single about 3 years ago now I believe I go for these types of men because I am also in emotional dating limbo. Every time I get close to having a relationship I convince myself new guy doesn’t compare to (Insert emotional hang up guy name here). Side note I really think the downside of being super wrapped up in plot lines from shows like Sex And The City is false hope because Ladies, Mr. Big is fictional, in real life we still wouldn’t know his name was John. Anyways one of my really awesome good friends told me recently: Maybe you get hung up on so and so because you’re not ready. When you’re ready whom ever will come along and you won’t look back. She also said that all the dating disappoints are a foundation for what you really want. You take a little from this guy and a little from the next until you have enough to know what you really want and then when he comes along you have bits and pieces that make a whole. I found comfort in that. BUT I’m still perplexed at the amount of time it takes for men to get over women who were not good to them!
This is Kate Nash’s Merry Happy. I love it because any song that sounds happy, but is sarcastic will always make me smile. Plus I love the line, “But I know we are not the people that we turned out to be”.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
LUV is a Two Way Street
I would like to share my favorite story with you. This story has been the words of wisdom that have helped shaped my “adult” life. So here it is….
Emma was planning a trip to Tahoe with her sister and a another girl friend. The three women were going to take the weekend and go see a concert that they were all very excited about. Now Emma is a newlywed, but married a man that has been a family friend since they were kids. So Emma and her husband, Tom had a very open and trusting relationship. Emma and Tom were well known for their spontaneous weekend trips so it should have been no surprise when Emma came home one Friday and started packing for her weekend. When the invite was extended to Tom not only did he decline, but he threw a fit and told her that she could not go. Emma shocked asked what the problem was and like a man that has problems communicating he didn’t give her a straight answer. Emma would rather die than have a man tell her what she can and cannot do. So she told him to go fly a kite, packed her bags, and had a fantastic girls only weekend. That Sunday she came home and Tom was more inclined to talk about why he didn’t want her to go. He had been scheduled to work part of that weekend so he was unable to attend. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her to go he only wanted her to wait until he was available. When Emma tells this story she concludes by saying, “If he just would have asked and not demanded I would have done whatever he wanted.”
Since taking a supervisor role in my professional life and building up an emotional wall in my personal life I have learned there are certain ways to talk to people to get what you want/ need out of them. I am not talking about manipulation, but more of the line between aggression and compromise. Take my story from above for example.
Tom didn’t want Emma to go on the trip. There are two outcomes to his problem 1) She goes on the trip 2) She doesn’t go on the trip. In my personal opinion Tom did what most men would do. He asserted his dominance by telling his new wife that she could not go. No self respecting woman wants to be with a man that isn’t open to compromise. It is important to know what you want, establish what your needs are with your partner, listen (Key Word: LISTEN) to their thought process, then make your decision to move forward with them or without them. Whatever the ramifications are after your choice is something you have to live with. BUT Ladies when stating your argument stay calm and use LOGIC, not emotions. Your man would be less inclined to write you off if you avoid emotional outbursts.
In my personal quest to find a man that fits me, the ability to balance self awareness and compromise has been paramount. I am someone who puts everything out in the open. I choose my words and timing carefully, but once I am certain that my thoughts are concrete I share them and am ready to listen to what my partner’s response is. I am willing to compromise if it doesn’t jeopardize what I believe my core values and life desires to be. A hypothetical example would be: Mark and I are dating for 3 years and he is unhappy with his job. He wants to quit being a personal banker and go work as a fisherman in Alaska. Now if you know me then you know Alaska is the last place I want to live (I have an irrational fear of bears). However this is something that is important to Mark’s happiness and therefore well being. If he came to me and said I’m moving to Alaska you can come or stay, then I’d defiantly stay because the use of ultimatums is against my core values. Now if it was a conversation that showed he put equal thought into my well being as he did in his then the conversation would be open , even if I wasn’t initially a fan of the move.
It’s okay to know what you want in life and to live without fear of disapproval, but if you want a successful relationship, in my opinion, there has to be a honest open calm dialogue. Men respect women that stand up for themselves. So like in the story of Emma and Tom (married 32 years now) don’t give up who you are or things you like to do for your partner. Stay true to yourself and they’ll either respect you and stick around or peace out, in which case you’re better off without them!
*Both stories of Emma/Tom and Mark were taken from actual people in my life, names obviously changed.
I love Kimbra she’s got style and soul. She has just hit the radio waves in the song with Gotye in Someone I Used To Know, which of course the radio managed to butcher with a crap remix in its first week. This is her song, Two Way Street. She has a couple of awesome videos so you may see me use her music again.
Emma was planning a trip to Tahoe with her sister and a another girl friend. The three women were going to take the weekend and go see a concert that they were all very excited about. Now Emma is a newlywed, but married a man that has been a family friend since they were kids. So Emma and her husband, Tom had a very open and trusting relationship. Emma and Tom were well known for their spontaneous weekend trips so it should have been no surprise when Emma came home one Friday and started packing for her weekend. When the invite was extended to Tom not only did he decline, but he threw a fit and told her that she could not go. Emma shocked asked what the problem was and like a man that has problems communicating he didn’t give her a straight answer. Emma would rather die than have a man tell her what she can and cannot do. So she told him to go fly a kite, packed her bags, and had a fantastic girls only weekend. That Sunday she came home and Tom was more inclined to talk about why he didn’t want her to go. He had been scheduled to work part of that weekend so he was unable to attend. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her to go he only wanted her to wait until he was available. When Emma tells this story she concludes by saying, “If he just would have asked and not demanded I would have done whatever he wanted.”
Since taking a supervisor role in my professional life and building up an emotional wall in my personal life I have learned there are certain ways to talk to people to get what you want/ need out of them. I am not talking about manipulation, but more of the line between aggression and compromise. Take my story from above for example.
Tom didn’t want Emma to go on the trip. There are two outcomes to his problem 1) She goes on the trip 2) She doesn’t go on the trip. In my personal opinion Tom did what most men would do. He asserted his dominance by telling his new wife that she could not go. No self respecting woman wants to be with a man that isn’t open to compromise. It is important to know what you want, establish what your needs are with your partner, listen (Key Word: LISTEN) to their thought process, then make your decision to move forward with them or without them. Whatever the ramifications are after your choice is something you have to live with. BUT Ladies when stating your argument stay calm and use LOGIC, not emotions. Your man would be less inclined to write you off if you avoid emotional outbursts.
In my personal quest to find a man that fits me, the ability to balance self awareness and compromise has been paramount. I am someone who puts everything out in the open. I choose my words and timing carefully, but once I am certain that my thoughts are concrete I share them and am ready to listen to what my partner’s response is. I am willing to compromise if it doesn’t jeopardize what I believe my core values and life desires to be. A hypothetical example would be: Mark and I are dating for 3 years and he is unhappy with his job. He wants to quit being a personal banker and go work as a fisherman in Alaska. Now if you know me then you know Alaska is the last place I want to live (I have an irrational fear of bears). However this is something that is important to Mark’s happiness and therefore well being. If he came to me and said I’m moving to Alaska you can come or stay, then I’d defiantly stay because the use of ultimatums is against my core values. Now if it was a conversation that showed he put equal thought into my well being as he did in his then the conversation would be open , even if I wasn’t initially a fan of the move.
It’s okay to know what you want in life and to live without fear of disapproval, but if you want a successful relationship, in my opinion, there has to be a honest open calm dialogue. Men respect women that stand up for themselves. So like in the story of Emma and Tom (married 32 years now) don’t give up who you are or things you like to do for your partner. Stay true to yourself and they’ll either respect you and stick around or peace out, in which case you’re better off without them!
*Both stories of Emma/Tom and Mark were taken from actual people in my life, names obviously changed.
I love Kimbra she’s got style and soul. She has just hit the radio waves in the song with Gotye in Someone I Used To Know, which of course the radio managed to butcher with a crap remix in its first week. This is her song, Two Way Street. She has a couple of awesome videos so you may see me use her music again.
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