It is well known that the limbic cortex part of the brain is larger in women than in men. This size difference accounts for why women are more emotional. However, additional studies show that men have just as strong, if not stronger, emotional responses to stimuli the only difference is that men immediately hide these emotions while women tend to wave them around like a homecoming banner. This difference is why a heartbroken woman will call all of her closest friends and family and analyze what she did wrong while a man will seclude himself in room for two months. Ever see the movie Swingers? The scene with John Favreau, Ron Livingston , and the orange juice is the perfect glimpse of how men deal with break ups. So what is it? Why do we go off the deep end?
While it is understandable that both sexes struggle with the loss of a relationship I don’t understand how women will morn the loss of a man whom they are not in a committed relationship with and treats them like dirt. To clarify, I have never heard a man say, “I don‘t get why she says she loves me, but still wants to date that other guy”. Now if I had a dime for every woman that said this I would be kicking it with the Kardashians. Actually I still wouldn’t want that, but you get the point. And no I did not make that quote up I have a friend that was told,“I love you, you’re the one, but I don’t want to be in a relationship with you right now”. STUPID! Ladies, why do we grieve over something that never existed?
Time and time again I hear echoes of empty promises traveling through the air as my friends share stories about the men they’re involved with and frankly I’m tried of it. Not of listening to my friends of course, but of the BS that ladies put up with. And further more the affects of disappointment and heartbreak that weighs them down everyday. Why do we let one person have a catastrophic effect on us? I have dated men that are incredibly emotionally barricaded due to a bad relationship. I just want to shake them and say, “I’m not her” but that would be weird and overly violent. There are people out there that can get over relationships quickly, I happen to be one of them. If I make a decision it is rare that anyone can change it. My buddy Brooklyn asked me a couple weeks ago, “How do you get over them [failed relationships] so fast?” My answer is: I accept that I feel the regret of not being someone they want, then I get pissed for letting someone cut me down, I allow that to marinate for awhile, finally I remind myself that battling to have someone in your life that isn’t ready to accept you is pointless. So screw them, their loss, move on! Of course sometimes it’s hard but don’t fight for someone whom isn’t fighting for you.
I want to share the lyrics to one of the most brilliant female vocalists/ lyricist of our time, Ms. Lauryn Hill. This is her verse in Manifest by The Fugees both in a music clip and written to aid with the point I am trying to drive home.
"You see I loved hard once, but the love wasn't returned
I found out the man I'd die for, he wasn't even concerned
And time it turned,
He tried to burn me like a perm
Though my eyes saw the deception, My heart wouldn't let me learn
From um, some, dumb woman, was I,
And everytime he'd lie, he would cry and inside I'd die.
My heart must have died a thousand deaths
Compared myself to Toni Braxton thought I'd never catch my breath
Nothing left, he stole the heart beating from my chest
I tried to call the cops, that type of thief they can't arrest
Pain suppressed, will lead to cardiac arrest
Diamonds deserve diamonds, but he convinced me I was worth less
when my peoples would protest,
I told them mind their business, cause my shit was complex
More than just the sex
I was blessed, but couldn't feel it like when I was caressed
I'd spend nights clutching my breasts overwhelmed by God's test
I was God's best contemplating death with a Gillette
But no man is ever worth the paradise MANIFEST"
5 comments:
Love these lyrics. So true- why do we care so much about the assholes who refuse to care back?! NEXT!
I know I think this song it BRILLIANT! Whenever I'm feeling down I put it on. I mean seriously guys don't put half of the energy that we do when thinking about a relationship. So no point in beating yourself up when they aren't calling. They don't call they don't care. Unless your being difficult then they just don't want to deal with it and who could blame them. Stay out of the drama Ladies!
'I have dated men that are incredibly emotionally barricaded due to a bad relationship. I just want to shake them and say, “I’m not her” but that would be weird and overly violent.' hahah I had a boyfriend that I went right on a head and did that to, he still didn't get the message and continuously behaved as if I were her, until eventually he turned me into her... I left him too!I was unaccepting of who he was, because he wasn't accepting of me and he was too stuck in his own head about things that messed him up in his past preventing himself to be who he is in the now.I worked past too much of my own junky baggage and self destructive behavior to wind up swimming in someone elses.
For sure! I have a writting partner right now for the Webisodes of, "He Said What?" and he told me, "A guy has to change for himeself not because a women is trying to change him". I think this is true even when we want them to get over their Ex. He won't get over her until he wants to. And you know what her ghost can have him, girl you got to look out for you, don't get caught up on an empty hull of a man when you can be open and ready for the whole thing!
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