There is always the one that got away. Whether you two are actually good for each other or not when you think about them you can’t help but wonder. As you may have picked up on by now I do not go for safe predictable guys probably because I am neither myself. Do remember those stupid Myspace quizzes, “Which flower are you?” and 21 year old floosies would answer “Lily” or “Rose“. I’m pretty sure if I was lame enough to take that quiz I would have been a Venus Fly Trap. I look calm and docile, but get too close and watch out. I really do not mean to be, but like most single women my age I cannot help it. Cynicism has been engrained through all the bad first dates and deceitful jerk offs I have had the disgrace of knowing. I wish there was a handy dandy “good guy” compass that could point me in the direction of a trustworthy man.
There is a man in my life that is slipping away. In fact I’m pretty sure it is Game Over. I will say that I put myself out there and made the fatal chick mistake of asking where it was going. I found that if you have to ask this question you are headed to Dumps Ville USA. At the time however I was learning to date the hard way by trial and error. So I put myself out there and got slaughtered by the lets just have a good time axe. Through the course of a year we have had a bizarre friendship. I have actually watched him make out with other girls and not felt any jealousy. Time and time again I have heard him recount his most recent sexapades . Over a decade ago this fool was actually into me. I would ignore his calls because I thought we had nothing in common, okay actually I thought he was a huge dork. These days women fall all over him, which still surprises me how shallow these woman are. To me he will always be the tall gangly kid that lived an eternity away. Except this time if tomorrow he magically had a girlfriend I would feel crushed. Now something very important to know about Mr. Solo Dolo is that while I have seen this man in a spectacular display of debauchery on more than one occasion. I have also seen his incredibly humble and profound side. What freaks me out is that I understand him. I relate to his dark twisted side and I'm attracted to how he owns it. Now on the flip side I have had the pleasure of getting to know the man behind the roguish demeanor and have met few other human beings with that kind of heart. I have heard him with his friends, watched him with his family, and experienced first hand how he puts the people he cares about most above himself. A trait I’ve found is rare in men these days.
Now it is my bad luck to constantly be in the most awkward of situations. I do some crazy things and put myself into the position where I proclaim Ah! This is my life! So I was not super surprised when I over heard Solo in an argument with his buddy. Before you think I’m psycho pants I want to state I was stuck in the kind of situation where you think to yourself, do I stay or leave, either way it is bound to be a loose-loose situation. I hear the guys arguing about not being good enough. They want solid relationships, but feel they do not have anything to offer a girl. I of course wanted to offer my two cents immediately, but I kept quite. They continued to talk about what they wanted out of their lives and how they had a long way to go. In this moment I don’t think I ever felt more uncomfortable and hurt. Here I was a woman who had her shit together wanting this guy just the way he was and it went completely unnoticed. So what did I do. Well first I shut the door as to say I can hear this, awkward. Then when Solo came back to the room I pushed away and I pushed hard. I said all the things I knew would send him running for the hills. Basically, I said a lot of girly crap. And guess what happened. He didn’t even stop to put on his running shoes. So I won that Match…right? Then it happened again this weekend. I was hanging out doing the whole friend routine, which I’m actually not being sarcastic when I say, I love. So it was a large group and Solo of course ends the night with a random in his room. I know she was the “winner” due to the simple fact that she was the last to leave the room. This is the first time it stung. It stung like opening your eyes in salt water, but for my soul. Attributing to this emotion is that I accidentally grabbed a peak of their make out session when all I wanted to grab were my sandals. Honestly, I have no idea if anything escalated beyond what I saw, but let's go with the proven track record and assume the deal was sealed. So why so many opinions now? Why after everything I have heard, seen, experienced do I care? How can you tell if a man is worth the fight or if he needs to kick rocks? And in any case when do commitment-phobes stop running from people who scare them most, the people that genuinely want to be there for them?
Here’s an artist that taps into your soul. Her voice is absolutely amazing. I love how she is a symbol for strength and femininity. Adele has an official video for Someone Like You, but live she is a powerhouse, so I choose the Letterman video instead.
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