My apologies for not writing last week. I have a lot on my plate with work and to be honest was feeling a little defeated by The Game. I never want this blog to turn into a bitch fest and like the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say…”. So I decided to plead the Fifth on relationships slash dating last week. However, since life is the ultimate roller coaster I have been having a much better week. I also had a discussion with a family member/reader of mine where he suggested that I hate men, which of course was said in a joking manner, however I want to clear the air. I do not hate men. If I did I would not dedicate so energy into figuring them out and I would date girls, which is also something I don’t do. What I do hate is the feeling left behind on women by a bad date or boyfriend. It seems that my friends have their lives together, but what goes awry and most of my communications focus around are dysfunctional relationships. In fact I received a text message from a friend who has been justifiably venting about a man in her life. After she vents the specifics she usually ends with a blanket ‘I Want’ statement, as I am sure we all do. She wrote, “I’m so over being the one to make a move. If we’re chasing them then guess what? NOBODY is chasing us! I want to be chased! Like rape whistle mace sprayin’ intense chase.” If only more men were as determined as Al Green in his song Can’t Get Next To You. My friend crackes me up because I know exactly how she feels. Obviously she is exaggerating to get her point across, but the sentiment still hits home, which is exactly what I write about. I want women to know they are not alone in their feelings and I want men to gain a better understanding so they don’t assume we have bought a timeshare in Crazyville.
Do you ever listen to your girl friend rant about her most recent looser and the only advice you can muster is, “Well it can only get better”, cliché or not it is usually true. I mean if things for Kristen Wig's character in Bridesmaids works out then real life will too, hopefully! By the way can we talk about how the first ten minuets of that film is such a relatable scenes for single women. I cannot tell you how many of my friends relate to her character and how we all dream of one day finding a man like Officer Rhoades! Also way to go film industry for making a movie that is true to the way women think, feel, and act while still being HILARIOUS and not condescending. Getting back to the point I have always been a huge believer that people are thrown into our lives with a purpose. It does not matter if they’re in our life for an hour or 60 years. If you are in your late twenties to early thirties and are single then it is a fair assumption you have dated a decent number of men. It would be easy to write most of them off as jerks or incompetent in the ways of a woman, but I like to think of it in a more positive light. Every time you put yourself out there by going on one date or even dating for a couple of months you have the opportunity to learn about yourself.
As mentioned earlier I was feeling pretty beat up by the dating scene last week. Nothing major happened there was no special event worth mentioning. Sometimes it is just a battle between the blasted internal clock and what I actually want for my life. This past week I had a huge light bulb moment. I figured out why the men I date do not have any staying potential. Simply stated they lack the core values I believe in. Now I recently went to a work conference where we were shown a video by a speaker named, Simon Sinek. He talked about community and attracting people with the same beliefs as you. Here is a summary of what he said:
To be authentic you must say and do the things you actually believe. Because the things you say and do are symbols of what you believe, then you’ll attract people who believe what you believe. We surround ourselves with the people and products that symbolize who we are. These symbols say, I’m a little bit like you, so we form bonds quickly. When we find people who believe what we believe we are weirdly drawn to them because our very survival depends on it. Because we are the same we will look out for each other. This is called community, a group of people that has the same sets of beliefs and look out for each other to increase survival.
This is the key that I have been missing. I have been so open to new experiences that I put to much weight into the idea of possibility without actually getting down to the core of the person. I encourage you to look back at the last 3 people you have dated. Did they actually possess the same beliefs as you? I am not saying that you have to be the same person or have the same opinions. The idea is not you are a Republican and I’m Democrat so we cannot date. Instead ask yourself does this person have the same passion for life as I do? Do they have the same family beliefs? What do they want from their life and how does that fit into what I want from mine? If I was being honest with myself and asked those questions about the last 3 men I’ve dated, then I would not have spent so much time trying to figure out what I did wrong. Instead I would have seen that they were not a good fit for my life, so thank you for the experience and good times, but NEXT. I need to make room for someone that will both challenge and value me the way I do them.
This video is Lenka’s The Show. I love her corky style and genuine lyrics. This may sound familiar I feel like it was used on a commercial a couple years ago. Don’t let that distract you from her message.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Happy Pagan Friday
I think it is only appropriate to dedicate this Friday Weekend Kick Off to Lady Gaga. I mean you will be seeing her in hoards for the next 4 days. I choose Judas not only because Halloween is after all a Pagan ritual, but also because her Judas is that bad boy that we can’t help but follow.
So here’s to all you Beautiful Independent Little Monsters out there. Have fun and stay safe!
So here’s to all you Beautiful Independent Little Monsters out there. Have fun and stay safe!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Dear Brain: Shut Up! Love, Heart
Overanalyze: to separate (a material or abstract entity) into constituent parts or elements AKA to over think things to the point of it either being annoying or ruining your relationships with people. This is a combination definition from two invaluable internet sources: Dictionary.com and Urban Dictionary. I know I really did doctorate level research on this one. Actually I don’t need library time for this topic I know it all to well. In fact I would use ‘overanalyze’ as a descriptive verb for my life. This is probably true for most females and I think it makes the top 3 in things men don’t like about women. We have a tendency to overanalyze every word, message, act that a man does or does not do AKA everything.
How many times has a man told you something as simple as, “I can’t come over tonight I have to wake up early for work tomorrow” and you actually stopped to think. It doesn’t matter what you thought about. It should be an immediate, “Ya of course we’ll get together later”. There should not be any questions that pop into your head, but they do, sneak buggers!
Piggybacking on the post, Can’t Fight This Feeling a couple days after the night in question I asked Solo if he hooked up with that girl (totally a cool chick unfortunate then that we both wanted to make out with his face and she beat me…lame). So he responded with, “ No I didn’t. I asked her to just leave” As utterly embarrassing as this next rhetorical question is I’m going to say it, just because I know for a FACT that some of you will relate to it, okay here it goes…Do you know how long I spent decoding what he meant by the word, “just”?????? Because the use of that word made it sounds like there was a story or reason. Now I am going to put on my Not Crazy hat and say he probably spent two seconds deciding his response to me and hasn’t thought about it sense. He probably asked her to leave because he was drunk and tired and that’s the bottom line.
There is no need to overanalyze men. Their actions speak volumes over anything they could say or write. A very wise woman stopped me in the middle of a classic relationship rant of mine and said, “Stop racking your brain and breaking you heart”, ah a brilliant woman, my mother. What a true statement though. I cannot tell you how many conversations I have had with my best girlfriends about the men in their lives and what he said to her and how he said it and what does it all mean. My new rule is: If you have to think about it then it is not worth your energy. Ladies I promise if a guy likes you there will be no questions needed, he’ll show you. If he wants to be left alone there will be no questions needed, he’ll be short, ignore your calls, be unexplainably busy, and will only want to hang out when it is convenient for him. So get over it, move on, it’s his loss. I promise there are at least three of his friends that think he is an idiot for not locking you down. I realize that the ratio of men to women in the United States is a joke and that women have to fight for the good ones, but look closer what do you see? I see that the women that are in relationships are the ones that don’t put up with any BS and call their man on his shit (sorry I couldn’t think of a more poetic way to phrase that, it is just the truth). So stop fighting for him and make him fight for you. Oh and tell your brain to give it a rest your heart is tired.
I told you I would have more music from my favorite band, Sleigh Bells. So here you go this is Run the Heart, also my favorite track off of their debut album, Treats. They're working on a new albumn now and I couldn't be more excited!
Lyrics: I wanna wanna hang a name on you…I wanna know whats good for you…you wanna wanna hang a name on me…you wanna know whats good for me…you don’t really wanna know…you take a heart I can take out two…you take a heart I can take out you…ah ah ah ah ah
And because I was in my lair of sickness this past week and missed Friday’s Music Weekend Kickoff here is an extra little something. This is BAGO: I Forget You and is produced by a friend of a friend, Alexander Spit an incredibly talented artist from San Francisco.
How many times has a man told you something as simple as, “I can’t come over tonight I have to wake up early for work tomorrow” and you actually stopped to think. It doesn’t matter what you thought about. It should be an immediate, “Ya of course we’ll get together later”. There should not be any questions that pop into your head, but they do, sneak buggers!
Piggybacking on the post, Can’t Fight This Feeling a couple days after the night in question I asked Solo if he hooked up with that girl (totally a cool chick unfortunate then that we both wanted to make out with his face and she beat me…lame). So he responded with, “ No I didn’t. I asked her to just leave” As utterly embarrassing as this next rhetorical question is I’m going to say it, just because I know for a FACT that some of you will relate to it, okay here it goes…Do you know how long I spent decoding what he meant by the word, “just”?????? Because the use of that word made it sounds like there was a story or reason. Now I am going to put on my Not Crazy hat and say he probably spent two seconds deciding his response to me and hasn’t thought about it sense. He probably asked her to leave because he was drunk and tired and that’s the bottom line.
There is no need to overanalyze men. Their actions speak volumes over anything they could say or write. A very wise woman stopped me in the middle of a classic relationship rant of mine and said, “Stop racking your brain and breaking you heart”, ah a brilliant woman, my mother. What a true statement though. I cannot tell you how many conversations I have had with my best girlfriends about the men in their lives and what he said to her and how he said it and what does it all mean. My new rule is: If you have to think about it then it is not worth your energy. Ladies I promise if a guy likes you there will be no questions needed, he’ll show you. If he wants to be left alone there will be no questions needed, he’ll be short, ignore your calls, be unexplainably busy, and will only want to hang out when it is convenient for him. So get over it, move on, it’s his loss. I promise there are at least three of his friends that think he is an idiot for not locking you down. I realize that the ratio of men to women in the United States is a joke and that women have to fight for the good ones, but look closer what do you see? I see that the women that are in relationships are the ones that don’t put up with any BS and call their man on his shit (sorry I couldn’t think of a more poetic way to phrase that, it is just the truth). So stop fighting for him and make him fight for you. Oh and tell your brain to give it a rest your heart is tired.
I told you I would have more music from my favorite band, Sleigh Bells. So here you go this is Run the Heart, also my favorite track off of their debut album, Treats. They're working on a new albumn now and I couldn't be more excited!
Lyrics: I wanna wanna hang a name on you…I wanna know whats good for you…you wanna wanna hang a name on me…you wanna know whats good for me…you don’t really wanna know…you take a heart I can take out two…you take a heart I can take out you…ah ah ah ah ah
And because I was in my lair of sickness this past week and missed Friday’s Music Weekend Kickoff here is an extra little something. This is BAGO: I Forget You and is produced by a friend of a friend, Alexander Spit an incredibly talented artist from San Francisco.
Monday, October 10, 2011
The Chicken Soup Myth
Singledom a time for exploration, independence, fancy free scheduling, self indulgence both emotionally and financially. I am one of those people that loves being on their own 99.9% of the time. When do I not enjoy this footloose lifestyle, when I’m sick and can’t get out of bed. Being single really stinks when you have a cold, the flu, or any other aliment that makes getting out of bed seem like the Incredible Journey.
Being successful in business means you probably put a lot of your time and effort into what you do. If you love your job you probably put in a longer work week than the average employee. If you are the boss and get paid salary then there are many hours being put in both at work and home. So when the weather changes and your immune system decides to not care how many meetings you have this week what happens? The big boss is down for the count.
Being a relationship this would be okay, in fact I can imagine quite nice. I would willingly hand over my control and independence to be nurtured. Instead us do-it-all women have to drag ourselves out of bed, drive to the grocery store to by medicine, soup, and Jello-O. Come home stand at the stove to make said soup and Jello-O, I recommend at the same time just to get the standing done at once. Then pour ourselves back into bed until hungry again, then get up and do it all over. I miss that time when your man would cook your soup, give your aching back a little massage, make sure you had enough Kleenex, put on a movie, and then leave you to your dark lair of sickness.
I am under the cynical belief that men only bring women soup in Tupperware in movies. I think this is a myth and any woman who has told me about their non boyfriend doing it for them….liars. Sorry, I’m sick and a little grouchy. Actually one of my close girlfriends had this happen to her a couple weeks ago. This guy she has been seeing for about a week or two dropped by her place with soup, I immediately approved of him. Because here is the other thing, us girls not so hot when sick. So if your dude is willing to stand by your side and not just text, “Hit me up when you feel better”, then I’d say he gets a gold star at the very least.
Francisca Valenzuela was born and raised in San Francisco until the age of 12 when she moved to Chile, which is where her family originates. This song Que Seria has nothing to do with this post topic. Except for sometimes when I am sick and can’t think straight I enjoy music that I can’t understand. It’s weird I know. You can find the lyrics translated to English if you want, but I think the video and her poetics say enough.
Being successful in business means you probably put a lot of your time and effort into what you do. If you love your job you probably put in a longer work week than the average employee. If you are the boss and get paid salary then there are many hours being put in both at work and home. So when the weather changes and your immune system decides to not care how many meetings you have this week what happens? The big boss is down for the count.
Being a relationship this would be okay, in fact I can imagine quite nice. I would willingly hand over my control and independence to be nurtured. Instead us do-it-all women have to drag ourselves out of bed, drive to the grocery store to by medicine, soup, and Jello-O. Come home stand at the stove to make said soup and Jello-O, I recommend at the same time just to get the standing done at once. Then pour ourselves back into bed until hungry again, then get up and do it all over. I miss that time when your man would cook your soup, give your aching back a little massage, make sure you had enough Kleenex, put on a movie, and then leave you to your dark lair of sickness.
I am under the cynical belief that men only bring women soup in Tupperware in movies. I think this is a myth and any woman who has told me about their non boyfriend doing it for them….liars. Sorry, I’m sick and a little grouchy. Actually one of my close girlfriends had this happen to her a couple weeks ago. This guy she has been seeing for about a week or two dropped by her place with soup, I immediately approved of him. Because here is the other thing, us girls not so hot when sick. So if your dude is willing to stand by your side and not just text, “Hit me up when you feel better”, then I’d say he gets a gold star at the very least.
Francisca Valenzuela was born and raised in San Francisco until the age of 12 when she moved to Chile, which is where her family originates. This song Que Seria has nothing to do with this post topic. Except for sometimes when I am sick and can’t think straight I enjoy music that I can’t understand. It’s weird I know. You can find the lyrics translated to English if you want, but I think the video and her poetics say enough.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Wildfire
This video is from SBTRKT and is actually one guy. He is a DJ named Aaron Jerome from London. However this track, Wildfire features Swedish-Japanese singer Yukimi Nagano from the Swedish Electronic band Little Dragon. You Tube this and you’ll see Drake also released a remix of this song. Of course, because this blog is for women vocalist I am sharing with you Yukimi’s version, which I love and think is very very sexy, even if the video is very very creepy. Although dating is like that sometimes, both sexy and creepy, you never know what you’re going to get.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Can't Shake This Feelin'
There is always the one that got away. Whether you two are actually good for each other or not when you think about them you can’t help but wonder. As you may have picked up on by now I do not go for safe predictable guys probably because I am neither myself. Do remember those stupid Myspace quizzes, “Which flower are you?” and 21 year old floosies would answer “Lily” or “Rose“. I’m pretty sure if I was lame enough to take that quiz I would have been a Venus Fly Trap. I look calm and docile, but get too close and watch out. I really do not mean to be, but like most single women my age I cannot help it. Cynicism has been engrained through all the bad first dates and deceitful jerk offs I have had the disgrace of knowing. I wish there was a handy dandy “good guy” compass that could point me in the direction of a trustworthy man.
There is a man in my life that is slipping away. In fact I’m pretty sure it is Game Over. I will say that I put myself out there and made the fatal chick mistake of asking where it was going. I found that if you have to ask this question you are headed to Dumps Ville USA. At the time however I was learning to date the hard way by trial and error. So I put myself out there and got slaughtered by the lets just have a good time axe. Through the course of a year we have had a bizarre friendship. I have actually watched him make out with other girls and not felt any jealousy. Time and time again I have heard him recount his most recent sexapades . Over a decade ago this fool was actually into me. I would ignore his calls because I thought we had nothing in common, okay actually I thought he was a huge dork. These days women fall all over him, which still surprises me how shallow these woman are. To me he will always be the tall gangly kid that lived an eternity away. Except this time if tomorrow he magically had a girlfriend I would feel crushed. Now something very important to know about Mr. Solo Dolo is that while I have seen this man in a spectacular display of debauchery on more than one occasion. I have also seen his incredibly humble and profound side. What freaks me out is that I understand him. I relate to his dark twisted side and I'm attracted to how he owns it. Now on the flip side I have had the pleasure of getting to know the man behind the roguish demeanor and have met few other human beings with that kind of heart. I have heard him with his friends, watched him with his family, and experienced first hand how he puts the people he cares about most above himself. A trait I’ve found is rare in men these days.
Now it is my bad luck to constantly be in the most awkward of situations. I do some crazy things and put myself into the position where I proclaim Ah! This is my life! So I was not super surprised when I over heard Solo in an argument with his buddy. Before you think I’m psycho pants I want to state I was stuck in the kind of situation where you think to yourself, do I stay or leave, either way it is bound to be a loose-loose situation. I hear the guys arguing about not being good enough. They want solid relationships, but feel they do not have anything to offer a girl. I of course wanted to offer my two cents immediately, but I kept quite. They continued to talk about what they wanted out of their lives and how they had a long way to go. In this moment I don’t think I ever felt more uncomfortable and hurt. Here I was a woman who had her shit together wanting this guy just the way he was and it went completely unnoticed. So what did I do. Well first I shut the door as to say I can hear this, awkward. Then when Solo came back to the room I pushed away and I pushed hard. I said all the things I knew would send him running for the hills. Basically, I said a lot of girly crap. And guess what happened. He didn’t even stop to put on his running shoes. So I won that Match…right? Then it happened again this weekend. I was hanging out doing the whole friend routine, which I’m actually not being sarcastic when I say, I love. So it was a large group and Solo of course ends the night with a random in his room. I know she was the “winner” due to the simple fact that she was the last to leave the room. This is the first time it stung. It stung like opening your eyes in salt water, but for my soul. Attributing to this emotion is that I accidentally grabbed a peak of their make out session when all I wanted to grab were my sandals. Honestly, I have no idea if anything escalated beyond what I saw, but let's go with the proven track record and assume the deal was sealed. So why so many opinions now? Why after everything I have heard, seen, experienced do I care? How can you tell if a man is worth the fight or if he needs to kick rocks? And in any case when do commitment-phobes stop running from people who scare them most, the people that genuinely want to be there for them?
Here’s an artist that taps into your soul. Her voice is absolutely amazing. I love how she is a symbol for strength and femininity. Adele has an official video for Someone Like You, but live she is a powerhouse, so I choose the Letterman video instead.
There is a man in my life that is slipping away. In fact I’m pretty sure it is Game Over. I will say that I put myself out there and made the fatal chick mistake of asking where it was going. I found that if you have to ask this question you are headed to Dumps Ville USA. At the time however I was learning to date the hard way by trial and error. So I put myself out there and got slaughtered by the lets just have a good time axe. Through the course of a year we have had a bizarre friendship. I have actually watched him make out with other girls and not felt any jealousy. Time and time again I have heard him recount his most recent sexapades . Over a decade ago this fool was actually into me. I would ignore his calls because I thought we had nothing in common, okay actually I thought he was a huge dork. These days women fall all over him, which still surprises me how shallow these woman are. To me he will always be the tall gangly kid that lived an eternity away. Except this time if tomorrow he magically had a girlfriend I would feel crushed. Now something very important to know about Mr. Solo Dolo is that while I have seen this man in a spectacular display of debauchery on more than one occasion. I have also seen his incredibly humble and profound side. What freaks me out is that I understand him. I relate to his dark twisted side and I'm attracted to how he owns it. Now on the flip side I have had the pleasure of getting to know the man behind the roguish demeanor and have met few other human beings with that kind of heart. I have heard him with his friends, watched him with his family, and experienced first hand how he puts the people he cares about most above himself. A trait I’ve found is rare in men these days.
Now it is my bad luck to constantly be in the most awkward of situations. I do some crazy things and put myself into the position where I proclaim Ah! This is my life! So I was not super surprised when I over heard Solo in an argument with his buddy. Before you think I’m psycho pants I want to state I was stuck in the kind of situation where you think to yourself, do I stay or leave, either way it is bound to be a loose-loose situation. I hear the guys arguing about not being good enough. They want solid relationships, but feel they do not have anything to offer a girl. I of course wanted to offer my two cents immediately, but I kept quite. They continued to talk about what they wanted out of their lives and how they had a long way to go. In this moment I don’t think I ever felt more uncomfortable and hurt. Here I was a woman who had her shit together wanting this guy just the way he was and it went completely unnoticed. So what did I do. Well first I shut the door as to say I can hear this, awkward. Then when Solo came back to the room I pushed away and I pushed hard. I said all the things I knew would send him running for the hills. Basically, I said a lot of girly crap. And guess what happened. He didn’t even stop to put on his running shoes. So I won that Match…right? Then it happened again this weekend. I was hanging out doing the whole friend routine, which I’m actually not being sarcastic when I say, I love. So it was a large group and Solo of course ends the night with a random in his room. I know she was the “winner” due to the simple fact that she was the last to leave the room. This is the first time it stung. It stung like opening your eyes in salt water, but for my soul. Attributing to this emotion is that I accidentally grabbed a peak of their make out session when all I wanted to grab were my sandals. Honestly, I have no idea if anything escalated beyond what I saw, but let's go with the proven track record and assume the deal was sealed. So why so many opinions now? Why after everything I have heard, seen, experienced do I care? How can you tell if a man is worth the fight or if he needs to kick rocks? And in any case when do commitment-phobes stop running from people who scare them most, the people that genuinely want to be there for them?
Here’s an artist that taps into your soul. Her voice is absolutely amazing. I love how she is a symbol for strength and femininity. Adele has an official video for Someone Like You, but live she is a powerhouse, so I choose the Letterman video instead.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
What am I to you?
Girls are tricky! Sometimes I feel really bad for men because there are a lot of women who say one thing, but mean another. I am not one of them, but due to Pavlov’s Theory men assume I am. I due have to admit though I was like that, but not anymore. Shockingly I found by acting this way I was not getting what I wanted. Women also fall into the pit of expecting the guy to know exactly what we need from them without actually ever communicating our needs. How many times have you thought you were in a committed relationship with a guy only to find out he was not on the same page? You devote so much of your free time to him that dating around would be more of a chore than anything else, yet he seems to find all the time in the world. Committing to you did not even enter his mind. Especially when you have not communicated the idea.
Miscommunication was title to my summer blockbuster. It came up that Homeboy wanted to go somewhere with another girl and I couldn’t fathom seeing another guy. I even stopped spending time with Mozart so it wouldn’t interfere with my judgment. Now when I brought up to him that seeing this girl made me uncomfortable it gave him room to use my favorite come back of all time, “Well we never talked about us being exclusive so I don’t understand why your upset”. UGH! I did not have a rebuttal because he was right. I did not communicate that I cared about him…exclusively. Of course in the end it was best we parted ways because he could not give me what I wanted. I still think he is a good person just not for me.
In another friendship my girl Brooklyn is friends with this guy. It seems as though all he wants to do is make out with her. She keeps telling him, no. It must not be clicking because he keeps trying. So my advice for guys is: If she says NO she means it! I’m pretty sure this topic is covered in some important PSAs. Now I can see where he probably thinks she is playing hard to get. I’m sure girls in his past play the, “no I don’t want it, oh okay” game. I assure you she is not. Although at some point she will need to communicate, Buddy give it a rest already. My generation is one that loves having men as plutonic friends. So when we say that is all we want go ahead and believe us.
Then there are the times when we are head over heals in love with our plutonic male friends. Communicating these feelings seem like a death sentence waiting to be carried out. I have another girlfriend, Ella, who has a male friend that she is so in love with but terrified to say anything. So she keeps hanging out with him. From what she’s told me it is very Dawson’s Creek. They are close to being best friends and she can tell him anything, except how she feels. Now how many have you been where she is? So afraid to cross the line and ruin the friendship. I wish I had better advice for her. I always say be true to how you feel and go for it. Of course easier said than done! I have had a crush on someone for a long time now and don’t say one word for fear of it not being reciprocated. So what is worst, living in your own lonely hell or loosing the person that makes you happy? Is it worth the risk to lay it on the line? As you can see it did not end well for Buddy or myself.
“What Am I To You” by Norah Jones this song is so perfect for this post, if I do say so myself!
Okay this one is just for fun because I couldn’t resist! Keep watching for the audio clips. I remember being so in love with Pacey!
Miscommunication was title to my summer blockbuster. It came up that Homeboy wanted to go somewhere with another girl and I couldn’t fathom seeing another guy. I even stopped spending time with Mozart so it wouldn’t interfere with my judgment. Now when I brought up to him that seeing this girl made me uncomfortable it gave him room to use my favorite come back of all time, “Well we never talked about us being exclusive so I don’t understand why your upset”. UGH! I did not have a rebuttal because he was right. I did not communicate that I cared about him…exclusively. Of course in the end it was best we parted ways because he could not give me what I wanted. I still think he is a good person just not for me.
In another friendship my girl Brooklyn is friends with this guy. It seems as though all he wants to do is make out with her. She keeps telling him, no. It must not be clicking because he keeps trying. So my advice for guys is: If she says NO she means it! I’m pretty sure this topic is covered in some important PSAs. Now I can see where he probably thinks she is playing hard to get. I’m sure girls in his past play the, “no I don’t want it, oh okay” game. I assure you she is not. Although at some point she will need to communicate, Buddy give it a rest already. My generation is one that loves having men as plutonic friends. So when we say that is all we want go ahead and believe us.
Then there are the times when we are head over heals in love with our plutonic male friends. Communicating these feelings seem like a death sentence waiting to be carried out. I have another girlfriend, Ella, who has a male friend that she is so in love with but terrified to say anything. So she keeps hanging out with him. From what she’s told me it is very Dawson’s Creek. They are close to being best friends and she can tell him anything, except how she feels. Now how many have you been where she is? So afraid to cross the line and ruin the friendship. I wish I had better advice for her. I always say be true to how you feel and go for it. Of course easier said than done! I have had a crush on someone for a long time now and don’t say one word for fear of it not being reciprocated. So what is worst, living in your own lonely hell or loosing the person that makes you happy? Is it worth the risk to lay it on the line? As you can see it did not end well for Buddy or myself.
“What Am I To You” by Norah Jones this song is so perfect for this post, if I do say so myself!
Okay this one is just for fun because I couldn’t resist! Keep watching for the audio clips. I remember being so in love with Pacey!
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