Monogomy!

Here is a scene from the movie, How Do You Know. It’s a comedy with Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson, and Jack Nicholson. A little back-story for you: Owen’s character, Matty, is the stereotypical semi-pro athlete. Reese plays Lisa, a 31 year old softball player for the USA team, who has just been cut from the team and recently started dating Matty.

Matty is in the living room perched atop the arm of his couch texting. Lisa is in the next room the conversation carries on…

M: I’m gunna miss you babe
L: Echo that [pause] What are you gunna do with yourself?
M: Well I’m going to be teaching these great kids at this clinic and then I’m going to register for classes an the team is playing close by [walks into the living room] so I was thinking of stopping by, but anyway…

[She sees him texting, pauses. He turns to look at her and with a small gasp closes his cell and puts it back in his pant pocket.]

L: We need to talk for a second
M: Okay I will call you from the car.
L: Are we monogamous?
M: Look your feelin’ this way because of the road trip, but we don’t have time for this.
L: How much time does it take to answer?
M: Well the answers yes, of course, essentially.
L: What is essentially?
M: Let’s talk about it, essentially, here we go. Look I’m nothing like the wild man I used to be. You know and if it bothers you I can cut out even the anonymous sex because I think we’re heading for the biggest result that can happen for a dating couple and I’m thrilled about that.
L: Anonymous sex?
M: A guys willing to go a thousand miles for you and you criticize him because he admittedly hasn’t covered that last yard yet.
L: oh wow whew [she takes it in]
M: But damn it you know he’s trying I think your heart goes out a little…Lisa, Lisa, Lisa?
L: You have to get to the team bus. You never miss the team bus.
M: Okay.
L: We’ll talk.
M: Okay, okay, I’m gunna catch the, I’m a I’m a be on time, but we’ll talk okay?
L: We’ll talk. I’m moving out, but we’ll talk.
M: Whoa no no no no no you can’t, don’t break up with me.
L: See that’s the thing Matty is I don’t know if what we have is even anything breakable.
M: Of course it is and you’re doing it. Where are you going to go?
L: I’m in luck my tenants hate my place so they’re trying to go out of the deal…Just don’t miss the team bus okay!
M: Okay okay okay I’ve decided I’m going to be monogamous. I’m going to be monogamous, but you too right? I mean, you’re, you can still move out, but , but you’re gunna be monogamous too, okay?
L: [sigh] Sure…
M: Well give me a real yes
L: [sigh] ya…
M: Okay. I think it’s going to be okay. I know it’s going to be, I know it’s going to be okay.
L: Go
M: [sigh] Alright. Why do girls always look so pretty the minuet they’re not sure about you.
L: Ugh just get outta here.
M: Okay no not answering the phone! MONOGOMY!

I had to stop the movie and watch this scene again. It was not only hilarious watching Owen talk his way out of the situation, but oh so close to real life. Actually my post called, You’re Just A Boy covers how I feel about men and the R word. I just wanted to share this scene and how art reflects life everyday. Know you may be thinking, “Ah Karen get over it some guys just aren’t ready to settle down”. Well jokes on you because today I’m not talking about the men folk. I’m talking about us women who don’t want to settle. So take that pipe and smoke it!

“Monogamy is a bullshit story!” There is no reason to settle down for the sake of settling down. We are living in an age where woman have babies at 50, not recommended by the way, but you get my point. What’s the rush? I’m tried of going to events where people ask me, “Oh do you have a nice boyfriend?” I want to reply with, “No I have a really crappy one”, but then I realize this isn’t Juno and dark comedy goes severely underappreciated in real life. Every time I walk into my grandparents house I get asked, “How’s your boyfriend?” ummm when did I have one to ask about? I guess they’re just hoping one day I will say, “Oh he’s fantastic we’re getting married this spring and having a baby boy by Christmas!” Halleluiah, Amen! The world is right again.

After the smoldering piles of burned bras and 50’s advertising have cooled why is it that women are still held to certain life expectations? If I want to be a less whoreish version of Samatha Jones from Sex And The City I should have every right to be. So why the guilty? Or better yet why the doubt?

This video is the acoustic version because I’m not a big fan of the recorded one. I think Stereo is fun and of course I love that a woman came out with this song. Enjoy!